Monday, December 22, 2014

Merry Christmas from the Mayor and the Commishes.

 I usually don't like Christmas letters but this year's from our Commissioners were so good I thought I would share them with all of you. 

First from the Mayor:

HO HO HO!  Merry Christmas to all except to my Jewish friends.  To them I wish a Merry Channuckar.   And to my gay friends, Happy New Year!  Well what a year it has been.  

First the big news!  I won an election!   Did you know that most elected officials are elected?  Neither did I but it's true!!!   It turns out that getting your seat by lawsuits and intimidation aren't the only ways to become mayor, but they're the ways this gurl haz alwayz dun it (as the kids would say, or should I write "kidz".  LOL.)  Sometimes you actually have to run and I don't mind telling you that I was a bit nervous.  Talking to all those people who may not even know who I am?  What if they ask me questions?   

Well, don't worry about that.  It's easy.  You just hire a strip club lobbyist or two to run things and when you talk to the voters, you just straight up lie to them. For instance, if they ask about a park, you tell them "Well, I am building one.  It's under a bridge and no one else can see it yet but if you vote for me, I'll show it to you." or if they ask about the failing school, just lower your voice and whisper that it's really the kids from Miami Beach who are failing but ours are doing super.  Also, be sure to claim endorsements by people who never lived here or who are dedicated to getting you out of office.  And viola!  You're Mayor.  Watch out Hillary!

The second biggest news - a little sad and a little glad.  Eddie and I have gone our separate ways.  I would like to say it was mutual but these things never are, are they?  Anyway, I had outgrown him and the time had come.  I wish him luck and hope someday we can be friends like Richard and I!  

But I did say a little glad?  Well, yes, you know me.  I'm like Elizabeth Taylor (except for the talent and the looks.  ha ha ha.)  I got a new Vice.  His name is Jorge and he's everything I was looking for.  Tall, willing to say anything to get elected, doesn't really give a darn about the formalities of position.  He's a bit of a fixer upper - a bankruptcy, several debt judgments, tax arrears, broken promises - but they say a good woman makes the man, or they should say that anyway,   In fact he presented to an International Congress in Turkey.  I think it was about parking issues on Harbor Island but they paid him to do it.  So "Maybe This Time"? 

I've been a busy girl as you can see.  In fact, so busy, I only show up for 75% of the meetings but it's not like anyone misses me.  So what's new with you?  Happy 2014 2015 all!
From Vice Mayor Jorge Gonzalez:

 Yeah,  What she said.  Hey, Merry Whatever, Happy Something.  Look I really don't have time for this.  I'm gonna sue that blogger and I need to call my lawyer so, uh, yeah.  Whatever you want to hear.

From Former Vice Mayor Eddie Lim:  

Happy Christmas.  That's it!  That's all I have to say.  Nothing else.  I don't need her.  I never needed her.  She can go to hell.  They can all go to hell.  I'm not quitting. 
From Commissioner Chervony:  

Enough already with the Christmas.  Enjoy.  Have a ball.  Sie gesund. You think you're the only ones with a December holiday?  I lit a giant menorah last week and only the goyim showed.   I don't expect any credit or gratitude but it would kill you to notice? 
Commissioner Wendy Duvall was absent.   

And from my blog to yours, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Joyful Kwanza and a Happy New Year to most of you.  

Kevin Vericker
December 22, 2014


No comments:

Post a Comment

Comments are available to all but you must have a name and a contact. If your comment contains either foul language or slanders against individuals, it will be deleted.